Tuesday, September 30, 2008
This project, that project, this work, that work, mismanagement...compromising my sleep, missing out my meals! Projects are simply back to back, meetings after meetings, People has been calling me for this work, that work..feel like throwing away my phoneits simply driving me nuts and insane!..I feel so lack of space! Help!
God help me!
Endure endure endure ...few more weeks and i will be thru!
how Long Is The Road
how Long Is The Ride
how Long Is The Darkness
Till We Get To The Light
go Easy On Mecause You Already Know
no Matter The Distance
i'll Stay On The Road To Your Heart
Sunday, September 28, 2008
This incident happen almost a year ago, but its had always been stuck on my head as it always flashes before my very eye from time to time.
I knew of this girl (lets call her Carol - to protect her identify)through some organisation. One day she was impressed by some drawings i had done and out of a sudden, she called me to ask me which program i had used to draw those stuff so that she could use it for her group project. I was certainly surprised when she called me because we are not that close friends.
"Can i borrow the program which you use ...for your drawings you had done recently?"
"Oh...its you carol, why do you need to borrow the program anyway?" i questioned
"i need to use it for some gp project and its urgent..i need to do the drawing by tomorrow"
"do you know how to use it, it kindas complicated?" i questioned
"iAiyah just passed me the program lah, HURRY UP LAH , my GP IS RUSHING ME OKAY! PASS ME THE PROGRAM CAN?" She demanded furiously out of the blues!
I was left SIMPLY speechless for a moment, i don't know what to respond (The way she talk is as if i owe her a very big debt! Shes Weird! ) Anyway i agreed to pass her the program the very next day in school in the evening.
The very next day, i smsed her with an apology i wouldn't be able to come to school because i was rushing for some submissions, asking her if i could meet her at the MRT in the evening instead. I smsed her in the morning but she did not reply, she called me only in the evening but i just happen to miss her call as i dozed off for some nap after working for many hours of work. I just happen to wake up and call her immediately. ( 5mins after the missed call) ...this was her respond when i called her..
"IM VERY ANGRY YOU KNOW...WHY YOU NEVER PICK UP MY CALL..IM ANGRY WITH YOU OKAY...YOU MAKE ME SUFFER FOR MY GP PROJECT"
My goodness...! I smsed you in the morning with a apology..but you did not reply at all, It keeps me wandering why is she so Blunt?
At the end, i met up with her again to pass her the photoshop program.
From this incident, i knew she had feeble social skills. weak interpersonal relationship, very lacking of social and self awareness. She doesnt have a senses of dressing as well. Shes the type of person that nobody will want to mix with as a friend or a person. In the organisation, i observed she finds it hard get acceptance from people - been rejected by people around her. Only the leaders are there to actually talk to her - because they have to do it by appointment.
Sadly, i do admit i find it hard to accept her as a friend, but at the same time, i do feel sympathic for her and simply a tragetic as well. I do empathize for her as well and been rejected by people. This incident always strike me hard - it constantly reminds me to learn to accept people for who they are and never to judge people - because we ourselves are never perfect as well. It does makes me ponder this as well, am i willing to step out of my comfort zone and learn to accept carol for who she is? (Speaking of the unspoken, we simply want to be associate with our own social circle and refusing to move out of it.) Oh well, I seriously do admit that at times i cannot accept people for their flaws, especially people who had hurt me or quarrelled in the past. But in bibical context, Christ has loved us for who are we. We must learn to love others for who are we as well. I guess im still learning to show grace and learning to love people for who they are...:)
Cetaintly you know there are many issues i struggle badly in my life...
I struggle with my ill-discipline in my life,
I struggle with my time management, juggling between church commitments, work and school commitment, sometimes i feel like i'm all over the place
i struggle with my confidence in my work as well
i struggle with my punctunality,
i struggle to lift up my testimony for you
i know I fall short of your standards very badly
Teach me to leave everything and trust unto your hands,
You are the potter, i'm the clay
teach me, mould me, guide me, walk beside me, fill me and use me
Teach me to give my life to the potters' hand
For i know you put me in this tough situation to mould me a better person, to be a better man, to become more dependent on you
teach me to be real and learn to humble my heart and lay down my pride..be submissive to your words
you are a God that i would never forsake - my greatest love is you
Be desire to be the man you want me to be
let go let God..
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I can say that i had fully utitised my one week break to the fullest - going back to office to work for 4 days to earn money for end of year backpacking trip -bangkok, laos and cambodia (looking forward to that !), had Tuffers steamboat (It was great to see many newcomers and see yr bros and sis again, Thank God ! :) ) and had SDE VCF fellowship where we "stroll" from Hort Park to Harbourfront (lotsa fun and laughter, great picnic as well!). I managed to catch up with old friends like Samuel, Edmond and my BSLC buddy...Dr wannable..Varun...haha!. I also did Fundraising at Grace assembly for God for end of year fundraising trip to cambodia. I thought the best among all was been able to have some space of my own in isolation, staying at home spending time with God, comtemplating and mediating about my spirtual life and goals, reading books. Its always great to pause for a moment from a fast-paced environment and learning to be still ..:) Wah, im fairly impressed how i spent my one week break!
Hmmm...Tomorrows back to school for discussion on a sunday morning :( ...but im looking forward to cycling at East coast Park in the late afternoon!....just wanna runaway and forget the world for a moment!..haha.:)
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The bible study session was on Nehemiah ctp 1. Nehemiah just received news about the situation in jerusalum - the jersulaum gates were broken down and the poeple were all in great trouble and disgraced. Nehemiah, with a great compassionate heart and having a great identity with the people, sat down, wept, mourned for day and fast and prayed before God for the people, he even confessed his sins and asking the blessings of the heavens to be poured upon his community.
With three of us on the table - Clarence, me and yanliang, Pastor cheekin started to make us ponder and start asking us this thought-provoking question - '"what are the issue that always hindered us from being been passionate for TUF ministry, devoting our time for our minintry, just like nehemiah, always having a great passion for his community?" We paused for a moment and started to reflect through. My honest reply after much thoughts was that i think i am relatively quite a self-centred person, i always priortise my school work ahead of my ministry. That is because my tutors and boss are always there to give you pressure in your work while God is somehow "invisible" and somehow the "pressure is invisible as well", that allows room to procrastinate ,hence him taking for granted as God is always forgiving. I do seriously have this constant fear that if i spent more time on the ministry, i would'nt have time to finish my work. (Wah...thats a bad excuse) Gosh! When i pondered upon this...i realised that i haven trusted God much enough, guessed thats because of my pride and been too selfcentred
Pastor Cheekin started to share his testimony about his work in regards to our responses - despite his hectic work schedule and constant work pressure, he is always faithful and devoted to his ministry in his Uni days and work, and the favour of God is always upon him. he challenged us to learn place our ministry before our work - so surely God will guide or bless you in unexpected ways as we always had the favour of God.
The whole session ended off from here - we ended us praying with one and other. As i was travelling back home, i kinda pondered upon my spiritual life and my role in the ministry. I hope and still learning to place my trust upon God in all situations in my life. :)